Hawaiian Heat

He thought to himself "i have a secret for your lips." But didn't know the meaning. He needed, but didn't know it's meaning.

He kissed her, lightly at first then harder. Did it have the same affect?

While he rubbed her back and his breathing grew labored and their lips met over and over. over and over.

She thought of one thing.

She thought of history, ofpast loves, of a different "him."

She shouldn't have been thinking at all. It goes against all rules of love. of Lust.

Especially not thinking of the wrong lips. of the wrong hands. Or running away to a dead screen for a different sort of happiness.

She wondered about his previous girlfriends. The way he describes them. She wondered how much he loved them. If he could ever raelly love her. Rushing, she knew this to be called. She didn't stop it.

How much could he love heR? as much as the other girls? could she ever compare? but that was always her thought, always her insecurity, "could she ever compare?"

She woul dhave pushed the first him away by now but found it easier to be silent. She smiled in his ear and she didn't really mean it. Knew he didn't care either way.

Kissing him here, kissing him now, with his facial hair scratching in all the wrongs ways. It was empy. it was strange. It was just another set of lips that had found her own, it was just another set of lips that had found her own.

She thought of school and of work and the current temperature. She thought of whether or not she would put on makeup to go to the beach, if she should stop by the store for sunblock.

This is ridiculous, she thought. But climaxed anyways.

She was glad they had no condoms, it meant no sex.

She wouldn't give in this time. Not fully.

The whisper or her heart was too often drowned by the moans of her body. No surprise.

She thought of Marxism in reference to love and how really, this was wrong because she didn't want to hurt him. Him number 2.

DOes it hurt? She never wanted him to love her. Knew she was trouble, bad news, not worth it, weak. She could go on, do you want her to? She never wanted him to love her back. Marxist Love. Have you read the same books? If you did you would understand.

Understand the difference between loving and responcibilty of being loved in return. She never wanted that. Didn't want to hurt him. Precious.

She's sorry... Because her heart has always been a guilty one.