The Beginning of a Secret

There's not time to worry of style. It needs to be here, it needs to be done. Because i want to get it written here before i forget the feeling, before i let it slip away, before the memories get a little blurrier.

This has been the most beautiful weekend ever. I'll split it into sections

The Drive Up:

It was downright beautiful. THe colors were spectacular. There was this rich gold of the fields. The color of the mountains, the millions in the sky. It's like everything was brighter, everything was just waiting to be seen, appreciated. It took my breath away. It gave me this feeling that i haven't had in a long time.

A feeling of Freedom. Something lifted inside of me that made me want stand in the wind, let it push my hair back and to just scream and cry. In pure hapiness. In a scene only fit for movies. That's how free. That's how beautiful. That's how much it truly affected me. It was like living right this time, like seeing all of it, experiencing and loving every moment has made me alive. If i was alive previously i sure as hell wasn't doing anything right. I feel so alive, so vibrant, as if the world is at my knees just begging me to look. I'm so in love and not with anyone this time. with everything around me, with myself, with the things out there, the possibilities.

Just downright captivating. I'll be redundant, i'll be repetitive but GOD the feelings were just THAT good. I only have so many words in my vocabulary and they're all at a loss for how wonderful this has all been. 12 hours has never felt shorter. haha.


Portland V.2.0:

I was shown a world, a city, a life that i've never seen before. There were so many thigns to do, so many places to be. We went to a rose garden and spent the day smelling the most beautiful roses and laying in the shade and being with the people i was with.

We had ice cream at twilight and watched kids playing in a fountain surrounded by beautiful homes and beautiful streets and beautiful everythings. And if you haven't noticed, yes, beautiful is my new favorite word.

I've let myself fall head over heels in love with Portland. I found myself wishing i could just be there always. I wanted to be apart of it, to let it be apart of me. I've fallen in love with portland. There's only been two places that could really cause that feeling in me, San Francisco and Paris. But here i was in portland, sad to be leaving and letting myself imagine what life there could really be like. You know me, lofty dreams and silly thoughts. Laura once said that she hoped when i went up i'd fal madly in love with portland, her city of roses, and move there and be with her. Well love, here i am, madly deathly tragically in love with it all. But we all know thoughts of me moving are as silly as... Just silly.

The world felt perfect in those moments. In the warmth, in the slight darkness, walking streets hand in hand, and be completely swept away. I can't breathe for memories. It's all too strong, all to sweet to really be tasted. It makes me heart hurt.

The Drive Home:

Could i begin to describe the feeling? THe fun? The absolute joy i've shared with him?

Don't be silly. My him is adolfo.

I can't even begin to laugh at it all, to smile at the thoughts.

We ran alongside the highway, happiness in hand just feeling alive together, just sharing an experience that we knew we couldn't share with anyone else very often.

We danced in the rain in the darkness, laughter liberating us. Wet and happy our bodies moved with a different sort of passion.

We laughed for no particular reason at all, breath stolen.

Moments that i'll hold forever. I'll miss forever. This is my life, these are teh things that matter, this is what i've been here for. This is what you all tried to stop me from.... living. happiness. This is what i've been holding back from. This is just the beginning. This is It. Capital love.