Sexual Healing

First of all i'll say: "what in yourself made you think you could be my salvation?" and then i'll Think "what in me made me think i could be saved?"

and with a flip of my long black hair, hair you once called sexy i'll climb atop you.

Maybe misery is feeding this sexual insatiability.

The other day while driving, the sun in my eyes and a self help CD playing too loudly i slipped my hand in my pants. this isn't fiction. this is truly how pathetic my life has become.

All day long i read and write sexual scenes. And then i go through completely on edge. waiting for someone to notice, to take advantage.

I feel like i'm begging you, now. "please, take off your pants off. have me" is what my hands say as they undo your belt. Pull down the zipper.

Passive depressive. That's what this is.

I want to be mean and cruel to you. Mean and cruel to you. But i can't. I want to shut you out. I can't. I want to stop wanting you, stop this last communion of our love. But i can't.

Instead of crying and begging for you to stay. This is what i'll say:






And then i'll slip my pants off, making sure to wiggle my hips. I'll spread my legs. And we'll both know i'm ready. wet. waiting. i always am. I'll lick my lips, keep my mouth part open. I'll push my shoulders back, breath a little deeper.

And really, i'll think to myself "god, i love you. I love you. I love you." and want to weep all the while.