Post Midnight Accidents

I should have been the hero. I should have been the mother. I should have been the caretaker, the savior.

I shouldn't have just walked away. driven away.

They were just kids. So stupid. Just kids.

What am? Just another cold soul. Just another mean spirit. Just another someone who can leave the scene of a crime. Not a crime. An accident.

Shaken up. Cold perhaps. The waiting music of an emergency call. I should have stayed. I should have stayed.

I am none of those. I am Sydney. Caring, guilty, overly passionate me. I felt naseous all night long. He says over phone lines "you did all you could." and he's sincere but it's a lie.

I could have stayed. Held his head in my arms. Pushed back his hair. Made promises to soothe. I could have quieted the whimpering. Like a baby he cried.

They were just kids. I should have been the adult. I should have been responsible. I should have listened to was trembling inside of me. What i knew i should have done. And what happened? i let myself be shooed away by a selfish little boy, scared i know. I watched the blinking lights of help approach. first one, then another and another. 4 or 5 at the scene by the time I reached home.

All i could think about was the mother. Phone by her side. THe rush. All i could think about were his legs. The whimpering. they were just kids.

Sleep doesn't come for hours and i wake up wanting sex to reaffirm my sense of life. sense of feeling.

It's almost noon and i'm still quite dead.