A vow, A Promise. A Word to Decline By.

Her world revolves around sex now. no surprise. no epiphany. she's only almost ashamed. she doesn't know if she does it out of love. or for attention. or to hide something even worse.

maybe she just likes the way she can feel. in that moment. in those moments.

there's a party tonight. She knows she won't be seen. She knows midway she'll come into her room, crawl into her bad, fall asleep as the people come in and out. She thinks of all her friends and wants to get drunk.

Laura leaves tomorrow. I haven't seen her. I know i won't. I guess that's the good thing about having a best friend you weren't best friends with most of the time. Because missing her is nothing new. not having her is nothing new. We can do things like not talk or see each other. Know we're still loved. I think...

she wakes up past noon after a night of... doing things she's too embaressed to say and there's no water in the house. nothing to wash the sin away. Double sin.

she wanted him to fuck her. go ahead, flinch at the word. she wants you to make her cry. more than all the fantasies she tells all the boys she wants you, you to fuck her. hard. mean. while tears come. while you cum. Cause maybe then she could feel like she loves you enough.