RandomAccess

I planned to do so many exciting things for today. I filled myself up to avoid the lonelines. I overbooked to turn away from teh emptiness.

But of course it didn't work out. Of course i'm about to climb into bed and neglect everything i know i need to do. of course i'll write about it in my blog and complain endlessly to my poor friends.

Two years today at this exact minute, to be honest I stepped into his house for the first time with different intentions.

we'd wait an hour and a half before meeting on the middle of his couch, some stupid movie playing. What time was it then? 5 o'clock. I think i left at 7. it could've been 8.

a month later on my birthday he'd give me every beauty of sunset in all it's richness in a box. to look at forever. to keep me happy forever. or so was his intention.

two months after that, about three months in, we'd have sex for the first time camped out in my car in the cold of Pacifica.

another couple of months (i could find the date if i tried) was the first we'd said we loved each other.

one year anniversary (a year from today) we'd exchange gifts in the parking lot at school. A music box. an unfinished story. I just remembered what we did that night. those chairs we sat on and held hands. the cold. the skirts. the ring you bought me then, do you remember that? of course you do...

A year and a half... we did something that day, didn't we? i'msure we did but the memory is gone now... Is that when we went to santa cruz? monteray? MOMA? Yerba Buena? or was that on valentines... It's all mixed in my head now, i'm sorry.

Let's speed up to now. today. september 8th. if we could go back in time two years we'd just be settling on couches. your black leather ones. I'd sit on the side, the reclining chair. and you the other end. DO you remember how ridiculous we were? how killing it was to inch closer minute by minute?

I could go on for hours about the millions things we've done. the thousands of things i'll always forget and always remember.

But i'll save that for some other time...