An Apology

And she sighs and she tears and this is nothing new.

Couldn't you just be there for her? no questions asked, no demands made... just there. It's ok, she never expected you to be. never depended on you to be.

And she writes and begins to choke and this isn't anything new.

Do you know what day it is tomorrow? Do you know how much i can't handle that?

And she thinks of what she always thinks about and makes up her mind. tonight. tonight. Old news made fresh agai. scars made fresh again.

The card is blue and it sparkles. There are little star jewels. you and i, i think it's supposed to represent. Coming together for a moment, two comets whose paths were parallel for a moment. only a moment. once in a lifetime, the card says. You in mine, it says.

It says thank you. Thank you for teaching me to love cause you were the only one who came close to doing it right. to doing it right. Thank you for teaching me that i could be beautiful. That i could be worthwhile.

Thank you for teaching me that not every hope was wasted. for showing me wonder. awe in every moment. Thank you for the things we've seen, the places we've found together and within each other. Thank you for always believing in me. thank you for being the only one that knew i could be an artist. Thank you for all the times you cried and all the times you sacrificed. Thank you for the million and a half cookies especially during the christmas season when we practically lived in the mall. thank you for every little thing we've shared and the handful of times you drew me. Thank you for thegolden afternoons and the well lit nights. Thank you for holding me that night at the beach on the rocks. thank you for wiping those tears away here at the end. for saving more things than i saved and keeping a box. for giving me a drawer in your room and making sure everything was folded. for being strong for me. for being weak for me. for the ribbons and the times you brushed the hair out of me face. for the times you rubbed my back even though you were tired and i complained for hours. for going down on me more often than i do for you. for never fucking me like a slut until the end. for santa barbara. for the way you look at me. for the way our bodies always fit. for believing in us even though i can't. for the time i was singing michelle branch and you turned the music off just to hear my voice. for donnie darko even though i've never watched it. for making my bed and cleaning my room and going to family parties. for loving them. for loving me.

thank you for the million things you've done in the process of loving me. thank you. thank you for loving me.

because before you i didn't think anyone could.