Staring out the window at all the shining stars i remember the ones found standing on beds outside of skylights. It made me think of laying in suited arms while promised the world and pointing out constellations. it brings me back to dazing off out windows wishing the moment would end while there was heavy breathing and fake reactions to touches unpassionate. THe stars... the stars... the stars are out tonight and i'm brought back to each and every moment with all the "you's" and "him's" and "he's." i'm brought back to trust and distrust and lies and vulnerability and magic and heartbeats and all those feelings each you, him, and he caused. The leap, the hitch, the break. The moments... I remember each moment. It wasn't yesterday and each one is a world away. i want it all back. i want what's been taken back. i want everything i gave and everything you, him, and he took. I want it all back...

But i'm still sitting here. Alone. in the dark. ALONE. i can't have it back. i can't have anything back. i can't have you, him, OR he back. all i've got is myself and this pile of memories i'd rather have burned. because i've been burnded. used, abused, and left. i'm always the one left... But i'll always be standing. i'll always be here. Even after ALL the you's, him's, and he's of the world have judged me second best. after the whole world has had it's way with me and i'm still just second best... i'll always be here. i'll always be alone... staring out my window counting the stars and counting the scars of all these stabs you've made at my heart.