i want consumption. to have something night and day and have it seem like it won't ever let me go. i want uncontrollable 'i need you because your touch makes me go crazy. i need you you're keeping me together and keeping me sane' love. the kind that eats you up, the kind that chews you up, the kind that masticates and tears and douses and mauls and fucks you up so hard it leaves you worse off than EVER before. leaves you covered in spit and grime and slime and their blood and your blood and mistakes and hurt and questions and most of all regrets. REGRETS.

Are you hearing the songs that i sing? can you see the words that i'm screaming?!? They don't rhyme and there is no rhythm. I am vulgar and i am bad and i am sexy and naughty and i lie. i cheat. i like to hurt. i am hateful. i am bitter. i hold grudges and you don't EVEN know me. i am not cute i do not smell flowers or play with bunnies or do my makeup or giggle or hug or skip or run or smile. i do NOT mediate and i do not placate. my nails are dirty and i am a mess. i like to walk around naked and my body is NO temple. i posess no style, class or grace. i am blunt. i am rude and i WILL kiss on a first date.

[And even with all of this.. I still miss you... even though we were none of this. because i didn't want any of this but wanted all of it with you...]

i'm tired of lust and chemistry and i want sweetness and cuteness and softness and a sort of tenderness that will melt my heart. i want to fall asleep in your arms and i want that to mean as much to you as it does to me. i want you to look me in the eye and sigh and let me melt your walls away. i want to feel the secrets you whisper into my lips. i want to feel your broad chest beneath me and your man arms around me and your boy hands caress me. i want you to tell me that you love me. tell me that everything is alright and don't ever tell me that anythign is pointless and don't hurt me with cynicism. don't make fun and don't be rough. I want to be near you and for you to want that just as much. But most of all...

I want passion. pasion. love passion and lust passion and an uncontrollable all consuming heart eating breath stealing passion-passion. give me passion and let it take me over let it eat me whole give me PASSION. i'm starving for passion. passion passion passion passion. i need your passion.