skiTtlE 0s (1:57:29 AM): but.. i know you're sick of hearing about it... but you know... you're right. he SHOULD feel bad. he should feel downright terrible. because i am not a BAD person. and i NOT incredibly undesirable as he once made me feel!! i may not be a great person or even a good person... but i do my best to be as decent as i can muster... i am NOT horrible. and he hurt me. and didn't deserve that. i do NOT deserve that. he played me in a BIG way and it was unfair. it wasn't right. it was fucking SHIT.
sideKickBassChic (1:57:56 AM): you aren't a bad person
SideKickBassChic (1:58:00 AM): i have been telling you all along
SkiTtlE 0s (1:58:54 AM): and i let him get away SO much.. i mean... UGHK. i let EVERYguy get away with hurting and fuckig me over
SideKickBassChic (1:59:15 AM): yeah....
SkiTtlE 0s (1:59:21 AM): ughk...
SkiTtlE 0s (2:01:02 AM): everytime anythings happened i've taken it. and i've blamed no one but myself thinking it's what i've deserved all along. i've rolled with the fucking punches and i've NEVER given ANY guy shit about ANYthing. i just... i let them get away with it... like it's OK to do it. like it's ok to treat me like that.
SideKickBassChic (2:02:30 AM): yes
SkiTtlE 0s (2:03:04 AM): arghk.



if only i could keep such anger... but like all things it fades and i'm left feeling sad and abused... without the conviction with i once spoke. all that i realize about myself is no longer valid and it's still *my* fault. i'm a bad person and it's why bad things happen. because i DESERVE it. I don't say anything and i let it all slide away because in my mind... i deserve it. because i shouldn't expect or hope for anything more. it's ok to be used and hurt and treated like shit because it's what i get. because i'm nothign spectacular and that shit... it's the best i can get... This is the best i can do... and apparently... that's not enough...

Yes, i'll never be enough...