Love Letter to My Laura

She's scared. So scared.

and she thought about you all night. How you're beautiful and sometimes she'll want to cry when she thinks how you said they love only out of saddness.

Maybe that is it.

But love is love all the same, isn't it?

She figured it out. Why they could never stay too close always. She saw it last time you were together. She saw you out of the corner of her eye looking out the window. You were both silent in a fearful misery.

You know what it was? You just couldn't ever let go. neither could she.

You saw each other too clearly. knew what was behind every smile. what was the true meaning of every laugh. knew that if you believed in karma you'd understand that for every time one loved in public they truly hated in private. That's why.

Let's drop all pretenses.

When I was with other people I could forget who i was. Forget about it. let it go. let it go. let myself go. Let everything i knew i was go. Leave it behind. For nights at a time i could go screaming. loving. crazying. For so long i could abandon what was inside of me. I could ignore my heart. And of course that was wonderful. of course that was fun. But with you, you were too much of myself. Looking at you was mirror like.

I fucking love you. there is NO denying that.

But sometimes i'm afraid of the power you have over me that you don't even realize. That you don't even realize.

Sitting there in the car with you, mostly quiet with sad songs to fill the air it was alway more hurtful. it was always such misery.

But not because of you.

Because of me. I could be truly be myself. The deepest darkest scariest parts of myself fully realized. and that isn't a bad thing.

People think we bring one another down. Feed off of one another's depression. But i don't think that's what it is at all... that with each other, we no longer had to hide.

And for that I thank you. As affectionately as i can muster. I am grateful. For every moment i was angry at you. that you were angry at me. that i was sad because of you and you because of me. for all the tears we shed and all the blood too. For everytime we "vented" about each other but were really talking shit. every time you hurt me. and well, not for the times i hurt you cause that i can say i truly regret. But for everything. everything. everything. Thank you for hating me. and thank you for the times i hated you.

Because through it all, all, through it all i loved you.

And it's been a different kind of love than i've had with anyone else.