How Long Can I Remember?

This is time for reform. THis is time for new games. new people. new places.

This is time for work. for dedication.

I'm closing this screen (for now). I'm signing off. I'm turning over. I'm pulling the blankets down.

It's timef or cleaning. for working. for running and washing and it's time for ambition.

I need goals. i need pathways. I need determination.

Here's me. ready for change. Here's me. working for change.

Soon enough i'll be out of here and all of you (almost all of you) will just be a faded memory.

I won't have to hate you anymore. avoid you anymore. turn you down anymore.

not anymore.

Maybe i can live. maybe i can love. Maybe i can keep the good people in my life and once and for all let go of all of you that kept me here. kept me here. kept me here.

here in a place of nothing. in a place of me being nothing.

Thank you for teaching me about life. thank you for being a bitch. a hater. an asshole. thank you.

Because i know now. i know now. I know that i'm ready to be ok. that i'm not as awful as you make me. that i'm not as mean as you see me.

I have good parts too. soft parts. love parts.

Of course i'm not perfect, never pretended to be. never pretended to be.

But i can stand. stand.

both feet on teh ground, knees stretched, thighs strong.

stand. stand.

It's time for me to stand.

Find myself without the confines of you.

The so many yous i've let rule my life.