it's my bday soon and i've no reason to celebrate and no one to celebrate WITH. every year my bday has been SPECIAL. i mean i've always been miserable but it's always been special. something JUST for me and this year i'm not gonna do ANYthing and no ones going to care and even if i COULD think of something i couldn't POSSIBLY get all the people i would WANT to celebrate together because their hate and secrets overpowers whatever importance i MAY have to them. and it KILLS me that the people *i* care most about can't even sit in the same goddamned room and be decent to one another. it's bad enough that my family can't even begin to get along. that the BEST they can do is sit silently across the room from each other. it's bad enough. and i mean at least i had my FRIENDS that could do taht. ya know, put aside their differences because they knew it was important to me, but i don't even have THAT anymore. Maybe it's selfish and childish of me but all the goddamned lies we're telling one another, all these secrets we're keeping. all this shit being thrown. it gets a little fucking ridiculous. and not to say my hands are clean. they're nowhere close to clean but is it REALLY so much to ask to be able to love the people i do with OUT feeling guilty for doing so?! I guess it is... cause it isn't going to happen.

Even warring countries can momentarily call peace in repect for obervance of certain religous holidays.