I just wanted quiet. i wanted the voices to stop. the thoughts to stop. i wanted to lay on my back and not move a muscle. i wanted to never speak. i wanted to never eat. i just wanted peace. quiet. any little bit of quiet. silence. i need a small peice of silence. please help me god. please let someone see this.

Please allow me to be strong enough. I am on my knees. I will whisper a thousand prayers. count a thousand beads. please cleanse me of this guilt. please wash me of this life. please give me my quiet.

I wanted to feel the sand in my hair. i wanted to hear the waves crash. i wanted to remember to breathe underwater. I wanted the water to surround me. It's all i think about. the sand. the salt. the way my bones feel weak. the way i used to be.

I am a mermaid. i once had no legs. i once swam. i was once strong. and i have spent a million hours on sun soaked rocks threading pearls into my hair. weaving seaweed through my song. Once the world was infinite. because seas stretch forever.

and i want to swim as long as i can. until my body collapses. i want to feel spent. i want to feel close to something again. i want everything to wash away. wash away. wash away.

I need to wash away.