You don't want to read this but: I Do.

We're laying in bed in a sort of postsex coma and i'm thinking about marriage.

marriage

too young. too fresh. live alone first. not ready. don't push. don't push. don't push.

I'm ready. i'm ready and i'm waiting. Of course i realize i'm being absolutely ridiculous. Of course i know i'd go stir crazy after a little while. Of course i know he's not ready.

But I see it all with him. The whole old happy couple. I can be that with him. I wouldn't be so wild, i'd talk a little quieter, i'd stop smiling so broad at boys with no names. I could love him and only him because i've only ever loved him and only him.

But those stupid rings in the jewlery store window make me cry and make me jealous. past, present, future. Sometimes i'm afraid we won't have a future together.

Remember in high school and i used to drive everyone nuts promising i'd die at 25? in my mind that was always there, i've never wanted to grow old. i've always been a child who hasn't wanted to face the world. Run away, hope to die early, never a problem. But with him, in his arms, i can only hope to live as long as he lives. I want children. I want little baby girls and i want to name them and dress them and watch them grow up. I want to do it all withhim. I want to have a house, one of our own, i want to put our kids through school and nurture them. I want to pass our love down, pass it to them. I want to argue about money and whose family we're visiting christmas eve. I want to come home to you, to struggle with you, to have and love every aspect of life, good and bad, with you. With him.

"And i thought, if this is life, i can stick around a little longer"

He's my promise of happiness. He's my tomorrow. He isn't my world but he's a very big part of it. Now i've known true love and passion andthe difference between the two.

I don't know how to be alone anymore, and i wouldn't trade this feeling for the world.