Wanna be the Bastard of Yourself

Here's a sweet little story.

There was once a little girl. her mother was molested. It was her future child by twenty years fault.

There one was a little girl. Her sister was molested. It was her future sister by ten years fault.

There was once a family that always fought like monsters eating one another's hearts. No one walked away whole.

The only one that remained untouched and ignored was this little girl. All of this was her fault.

They left her one by one. away from everythign that was so terrible. they left her alone to take it all on herself.

at night she would think: "it's all my fault. it's all my fault. they don't love me because they can't save me. they can't save me because i'm terrbile." and she never cried.

At night there was darkness and things she never understood. like a mommy being raped and feeling the bed shake with it. like porn on a tv and feeling the bed shake with it.

never touched. ignored. all her fault. all her fault.

well she's crying now. you're all yelling now. no one will see how much she's carried. no one will see how much she doesn't want to.

she bleeds the blame away in porcelin bathtub and creamy marble and dreams of grey smoggy cities.

She wants away now. wants to leave now. they're happy now. happy without her now.

Alone. alone. she's always alone. She wants to leave here, be alone on her own terms. alone where their anger can't touch her.

Moved cars and broken windshields. cut hair in unnoticable places. fuck. dick. bastard. dirty words in songs and she's crying while he's eating and why is he leaving her. the only one who's cared is leaving her.

She doesn't care now. doesn't care now. doesn't want to be loved now. doesn't want to love now.

dull scissors. dirty laundry. pink trees and lit wreaths.

Can you save her now? is she worth it now?