It's coming soon the end is...
Only like two more weeks. BLECH.
and for all of you that were wondering...
Adam and i have a very bipolar relationship... or more like i'm bipolar in our relationship. one second i love him to death and i want to marry him and have a million of his babies. the next second i'm at the verge of tears, considering beraking up with him, and angry at how uncontrollably i hate him.
But this isn't ever to him, well it is, but not the full effect of my RAGING emotions. sometimes i talk to you guys (my few friends) and it seems downright wretched. like we're the world's most dysfunctional couple. Other people get painted this lovely little picture of cuteness and sickening affection.
And so that is how we are... or i am...
Either way, whether i'm in a bad mood or good i still know he's the best boy for me ever ever.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
I'll Always Wear This Heart on my Back
I told myself i had stuff to write... But i'm not sure if i do anymore. I did, but it's all gone now. My mind has a tendancy to do that...
Here, i'll TRY. it won't be any good and maybe i'll delete it.
Slip the sleeves down your arms, expose your bare shoulders to the biting cold. Fight back the urge to gasp as winter sneaks it's perverted hands down your back, in your shirt, over your body. Face the sun and hope to soak in warmth through the shine. But they're different, shine and warmth are. Stand there, waiting to be judged as you feel their eyes glance at what's there on your back, so silly and useless. You had nothing to prove and no reasons to act but you did it anyways.
You went to the parlor and pulled down your shirt and you smiled sweetly as they carded you. What meaning is there? What purpose? What a ridiculous heart, what a waste of time, what a sad excuse for permanence.
Not to say that you regret it, that you wish you hadn't gone. You don't. You're somehow proud. Just like you were proud of the cuts and scars and your pride when later on they faded. You're proud of the courage, the commitment. But that doesn't make it worthwhile.
Maybe you could tell someone a story, a pretend so hard you believe it story. Yes, tell them something so wonderful you fall in love with it yourself and believe it to be truth. You'll tell people that the black heart represents your inner turmoil or some heart wrenching breakup that left you drowning in the air. Tell them it's supposed to stand for the immortality of your hope and faith, that through such turmoil and heart wrench your heart has survived and it always will and it will remain intact until the end of time. Or, until the end of your time. Sure, it's a lie. You haven't had a relationship whip the ground from beneath your feet. And you haven't felt the slices of true inner pain. But it could sound cool, right? It would make you feel cool, right? Just the fact that you have a tattoo at all makes you cool... right?
Honestly, get over it.
Here, i'll TRY. it won't be any good and maybe i'll delete it.
Slip the sleeves down your arms, expose your bare shoulders to the biting cold. Fight back the urge to gasp as winter sneaks it's perverted hands down your back, in your shirt, over your body. Face the sun and hope to soak in warmth through the shine. But they're different, shine and warmth are. Stand there, waiting to be judged as you feel their eyes glance at what's there on your back, so silly and useless. You had nothing to prove and no reasons to act but you did it anyways.
You went to the parlor and pulled down your shirt and you smiled sweetly as they carded you. What meaning is there? What purpose? What a ridiculous heart, what a waste of time, what a sad excuse for permanence.
Not to say that you regret it, that you wish you hadn't gone. You don't. You're somehow proud. Just like you were proud of the cuts and scars and your pride when later on they faded. You're proud of the courage, the commitment. But that doesn't make it worthwhile.
Maybe you could tell someone a story, a pretend so hard you believe it story. Yes, tell them something so wonderful you fall in love with it yourself and believe it to be truth. You'll tell people that the black heart represents your inner turmoil or some heart wrenching breakup that left you drowning in the air. Tell them it's supposed to stand for the immortality of your hope and faith, that through such turmoil and heart wrench your heart has survived and it always will and it will remain intact until the end of time. Or, until the end of your time. Sure, it's a lie. You haven't had a relationship whip the ground from beneath your feet. And you haven't felt the slices of true inner pain. But it could sound cool, right? It would make you feel cool, right? Just the fact that you have a tattoo at all makes you cool... right?
Honestly, get over it.
Old Blog
And an old something for my mere entertainment...
www.sydpanball22.diaryland.com
It's odd... reading that stuff, it's old. I'm trying to look for a fast easy way i can like, save it all though...
To me, What i've written is how i've existed.
www.sydpanball22.diaryland.com
It's odd... reading that stuff, it's old. I'm trying to look for a fast easy way i can like, save it all though...
To me, What i've written is how i've existed.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Ew
I fucking hate kids. and i hate dogs.
if i ever had kids i think i might cut off their noses and sew shut their mouths. i'd keep them in closets and under the bed.
They wouldn't be allowed to talk and when they did, i'd shoot them. in places where they'd still survive.
gr. to thanksgiving and to small children. and my family. and my dog. and everyone else.
PS. you're supposed to ask WHY i don't want to marry you. ughk. i hate you too.
if i ever had kids i think i might cut off their noses and sew shut their mouths. i'd keep them in closets and under the bed.
They wouldn't be allowed to talk and when they did, i'd shoot them. in places where they'd still survive.
gr. to thanksgiving and to small children. and my family. and my dog. and everyone else.
PS. you're supposed to ask WHY i don't want to marry you. ughk. i hate you too.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
The Incredibles
I watched The Incredibles last night. it was very amusing. i liked it. indeed.
i don't think i have anything left to say.
oh, i got extremely bored and set up a myspace for myself. mwahhah. myspace.
bye
i don't think i have anything left to say.
oh, i got extremely bored and set up a myspace for myself. mwahhah. myspace.
bye
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Monday, November 08, 2004
Only Because I Miss Me
I think you hold some crucial part of something, anything, inside fo you that i need. Only because i don't want to admit that i need you. Just the peice of me you hold.
Do you remember when we could still act like we were kids and pretended to be grown ups? Remember when we argued and deep down we loved each other?
I think i never loved anyone in the way i loved you. I wanted to be you, I hated you, I needed you so desperately that we were impossble.
I just want you to know, even though it's too late, even though scars mean forever, even though i thought i never needed you then...
That i always have.
Do you remember when we could still act like we were kids and pretended to be grown ups? Remember when we argued and deep down we loved each other?
I think i never loved anyone in the way i loved you. I wanted to be you, I hated you, I needed you so desperately that we were impossble.
I just want you to know, even though it's too late, even though scars mean forever, even though i thought i never needed you then...
That i always have.
