Well,
So...
I feel sorta bad. cause well, i have this friend. and she's one of my very few close friends. and blah blah blah all those really gret friendy things, right? indeed.
and... i dunno...
i'm lame. and that sucks. but if push comes to shove and i dissapoint how am i suposed to make it up?
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Does this mean Forever?
We made love at midnight (because we can call it that now) and your hand reached for mine through the dark. I listened to your heartbeat as the rain fell outside and I whispered that I love you.
It’s moments like these that are living.
It’s moments like these that are living.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Silly Girl Dreams
I drove home thinking of what i could name our twins. I'm sure we'll have twins now. I'm sure we'll be happy for the rest of our lives and he'll make a huge romantic movie deal out of engaging to me. and i'll the same to our wedding. and we'll travel and inspire and love and everything will be great. cause that's what happens. that's what i've decided.
and then we'll get a city apartment with both our parents close to visit but too far to bother. we'll have satisfying jobs and be ready for a baby. If i ever have babies i want to be ready. and we'll have twins. two girls.
they'll have my skin and lips and nose. with your eyes and dimples and your sensibility, your talent, your art. They'll have my courage and need for adventure. but not too young.
and then life will be just peachy.
and then we'll get a city apartment with both our parents close to visit but too far to bother. we'll have satisfying jobs and be ready for a baby. If i ever have babies i want to be ready. and we'll have twins. two girls.
they'll have my skin and lips and nose. with your eyes and dimples and your sensibility, your talent, your art. They'll have my courage and need for adventure. but not too young.
and then life will be just peachy.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Rambling in order to cover up lasts nights emotional vomit
Have you ever had one of those moments that you're absolutely disgusted of?
like being proud of your hometown when it's the shittiest place on earth? or thinking "aw i wish we stayed together" over your ex even THOUGH you know now he's a fat drinks too much and has ugly hair white guy from pennsylvania? or when your proud of all the work you've done in a day when you realize all you've fucking done is take a shower?
blech. what a no good feel bad terrible horrible i hate everyone day.
like being proud of your hometown when it's the shittiest place on earth? or thinking "aw i wish we stayed together" over your ex even THOUGH you know now he's a fat drinks too much and has ugly hair white guy from pennsylvania? or when your proud of all the work you've done in a day when you realize all you've fucking done is take a shower?
blech. what a no good feel bad terrible horrible i hate everyone day.
THe thoughts that one shouldn't think when in love.
I used to think that maybe couples stayed together out of comfort. that they were just *so* comfortable that the thought of some sort of anything new might make them squirm. i thought that the couples i saw hated each other but stayed out of obligation. and maybe fear. fear of being alone and all that other such stuff...
I never realized maybe couples stay together out of hope. that maybe they keep hoping it's a fluke. or a bad day. bad week. that maybe it's just a bad moment. it's hope that they can change. change themselves to be better girlfriends and they'll change into better boyfriends. i mean, it takes two to love and two to see to it's end. so maybe you're hoping for a mutual change. just like maybe you ended up together out of mutual need.
you hope that if you hope hard enough the past can change itself. erase your bad beginnings. and you hope that if you hope enough the future will change from what you know is coming. create happiness and bandaids and happy sweet anythings.
maybe couples stay together because they love each other so much the thought of breaking the other's heart is like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
maybe thinking about it hurts so much it's quite likely to bring you to tears. but you feel it coming and doubt everything you once stood for. maybe it hurts so much to just be together it isn't making much sense anymore.
I never realized maybe couples stay together out of hope. that maybe they keep hoping it's a fluke. or a bad day. bad week. that maybe it's just a bad moment. it's hope that they can change. change themselves to be better girlfriends and they'll change into better boyfriends. i mean, it takes two to love and two to see to it's end. so maybe you're hoping for a mutual change. just like maybe you ended up together out of mutual need.
you hope that if you hope hard enough the past can change itself. erase your bad beginnings. and you hope that if you hope enough the future will change from what you know is coming. create happiness and bandaids and happy sweet anythings.
maybe couples stay together because they love each other so much the thought of breaking the other's heart is like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
maybe thinking about it hurts so much it's quite likely to bring you to tears. but you feel it coming and doubt everything you once stood for. maybe it hurts so much to just be together it isn't making much sense anymore.
