Can we call this anxiety? can we call this emotion overload? So many askers and so many takers. there's not enough me in here for satisfaction. not enough to pass around. so take a bite, enjoy, and scream while i wither.

uhm... like i've REALLY anything to say.

once again yet another bad day (friday, saturday, and maybe not today. we'll see...) what else is new?

not like i cry every day or anything....

cause i do...

today i gave blood...

I did better than last time.

THIS time i only *almost* passed out and dry heaved. great development.

i feel really sick though.

and the bastards didn't ask what color tape i wanted so i got lamazoid gay ass purple. yea. whatever.

spaghetti t'night woot woot.

hope i feel better?

I just think i should announce... to my multitude of loyal and loving fans (yes, i know there are millions of you) that i, sydney tan, have, by far, one of the greatest boyfriends.

You don't believe me? you should. i do.

Week long recap?

mon: depressed
Tues: laura and tiffany drama. depressed.
wed: breast cancer scare. depressed.
thurs: issues. depressed.
fri: Adam fight. depressed
sat: big parental fight. depressed
sun: cancelled plans. dissapointment. depressed.

not a good week....

::sigh::

WOW. i had SUCH a wonderufl mother fucking week. it couldn't have POSSIBLY gotten any better.

YEAH. right. i wish.

one bad thing right after the last. it just won't stop coming, will it?

Uhm...

today when i was driving i saw a bird in the sky.


yea. end of the story.

oh, and btw....

my head is itchy.

FUCKING HELL. can we say PMS?

YEAH!

ANYWAYS! uhm... i took my little sister on a bike ride (yay? i think not.) talked to my older one yesterday (ugh. think not again.) and last night and this morning felt mass sick. BLECH.

now lets begin the "i hate the world" party!!

fucking hell.

I no longer want to be the person i become when i am around you. I am sick of the me that you make me. I've had enough with being such a terrible person.

Today was another bad day to add to the list of bad days. at least they're warm, right? right.

Last night i had a hardcore Kevin dream. just a tad upsetting. usually they're just dreams, no matter what we're doing or what the story is... but this time, it seemed so real. i woke up still feeling the feeling of being in his arms and the collapse within me. But then again, it was so long ago is it REALLY valid to say i remember what it felt like in the first place? just going off of rusted memories and my own assumptions.

i've been sick for FAR too long. this is, what? my 5th time being sick just since september? that's too much for just one winter if ya ask me. My brain is decaying. my throat is degrading. e gads my health has gone to hell.

but that's ok, cause i'm in one of those "PLEASE FUCKING SHOOT ME!" moods anyways. i get in them perpetually. mostly due to exhaustion that and the oncoming summmer. ew, that and my senior exit project.

well, must go. the puppy calls. (actually, the puppy is whining and the phone is ringing. same diff, right?)

Events for the day?

i went to my goddaughters bday party today. she turned 3. but our ACTUAL relation? well, her name is kayla. Kayla's mom is my brother's ex girlfriend and my nethews mom. Thus making kayla (my godaughter) my nethew's sister. get the realtionship now?

ANYWAYS at the party my sister's ex boyrfriend (jason) shows up. He is also kayla's godparent. The catch? he brought his new girlfriend. i was really hurt by it. i mean, he was like my brother sorta, more than my brothers were like my brothers. and when he broke her heart it's like he broke mine too. and seeing him again really hurt. and seeing him with this girl, really hurt. and i didn't know what to do. so i stood tere really awkward and bitter the entire time.

but that wasn't my fault.

and then, while at home, my sister called me and asked me how the party went. i told her. and this is where she proceeded to scream at me. i didn't mean to make her mad. i didn't mean to hurt her. this wasn't meant as a betrayal.

and then she hung up on me. and to all of you reading this seems like osmethign really stupid or silly or something like that.

well go fucking shove it. i don't need sympathy. i don't put shit on here so you can feel sorry for me. I write here cause i've no where else to turn.

cause, i'm sittining here in fucking tears and i have no one to call, no where to run, and... i know there are people there, but why make myself an inconvenience?

woot woot woot

monday coming up... 6 months? maybe...

but ANY ways!

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html

even though i know you don't read this....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN!