one word for you....
SYNTAX
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
In honor of bloggie fun (ah the world they've opend me up to...) dear god i'm a fucking nerd. EITHER WAY!
100 things you don't know about me...
1. i've always held the secret wish to be an artist but am not brilliant enough for inspiration.
2. I once owned a solid icy blue outfit. I called it icy blue.
3. I sleep talk
4. I'm afraid of thunder. not lightning.
5. I am somehow related to Amy Tan (although i've never met her and she's yet to know me.)
6. I'm a VERY bad dancer but i do it anyways.
7. I like chemistry.
8. I hate cats because my dad is allergic.
9. I don't like white sheets or white towels
10. I used to like Boyz-2-men
11. I could eat rice for days
12. i was vegetarian for 5 months
13. my longest running relationship with the opposite sex is 5 months
14. i hate feeling clausterphobic in a friendship
15. I learned love from a best friend in a totally platonic way
16. I wish we could have loved each other longer
17. I lost my first kiss at 15
18. I danced ballet for 7 + (i can't figure it out) years of my 17 year long life
19. I miss dancing but have lost technique, shape, and time
20. I've lost my technical and REAL virginty
21. I've had a party every birthday but 1.
22. I prefer the telephone over IM or Email
23. I'm relatively good at math
24. and english
25. But i suck at non-scholastic subjects
26. I hate puzzles, crosswordpuzzles, and bullshit of the such. i suck.
27. I love SCRABBLE!
28. I am not my brothers, or sister.
29. although i wouldn't mind being like my sister or mom.
30. They are my idols.
31. Even though she writes teeny-bop books i love Francesca Lia Block
32. Kissing is my passion.
33. I like the word DICK.
34. I don't like pussy, cunt, or vagina
35. I've never tasted the last 3.
36. I got an 1120 on my SATs
37. My middle name is Barabad. My mom's maiden name.
38. I suck at writing poems
38. I like ice cream
39. I consider myself tall
40. i like deep voices
41. Fish, bugs, reptiles, and BIRDS scare me
42. i've only filled 1 journal. I have a collection of half-filled ones.
43. i get rashes on my thighs when i run.
44. I love the sun and warmth and sunsets and rises
45. Bu tthe night enchants me
46. I want to die young
47. i'm usually quite passive
48. i like crayons
49. I have scars
50. I'm a very picky eater.
51. I collect bouncy balls
52. I think before i talk unless i'm saying somethign offensive.
53. I used to be obsessed with: sailor moon, pandas, winnie the pooh, and dark angel
54. My first crush was on a cartoon.
55. I 've had a couple other cartoon crushes
56. I'm vulgar
57. i'm shoe size 6
58. i've watched and read porn
59. i've never drinken beer.
60. i've never taken any drug
61. i've smoked a cigarette.
62. I like the Justice leauge
63. I can lick my own nipple
64. I have a green birthmark on my butt
65. and a bruise (this year) named bernard in the shape of a baby bird
66. I've never stayed awake a FULL 24 hours
67. i'm chronically late/tardy/lagging
68. I hide prom pictures in my desk
69. In middle school i used to wish that i would be valedvictorian in highschool (hah. RIGHT)
70. I once believed, quite strongly, in no sex before marriage.
71. biology interests me greatly
72. I'm a raging hornball
73. I masterbate
74. I do even though i have a boyfriend
75. I drive a Jetta wagon
76. I like techno
77. I've made out *to* techno music *in* my jetta wagon
78. i'm catholic.
79. when i *do* go to church my parents make me bring up the offerings
80. i have no door
81. My favorite tree is a madrone
82. My sister lives in Hawaii
83. I don't know how to cool
84. I usually eat things i REALLY don't like
85. I like britney. yes, we're on a first name basis.
86. I have a lip obsession...
87. And necks...
88. I read a lot of online journals and stuff...
89. i remember learning how to tie my shoes
90. i like to call myself fat
91. I like ribbons
92. I began to crack my knuckles cause my brother did and i thought he was cool.
93. My boyfriend loves me
94. And i him...
95. As of late, i've begun to like the color red.
96. My walls are white and i wish they weren't.
97. my cieling isn't flat
98. I know a million Tv show/cartoon theme songs
99. I really like cheese.
100. I'm cooler than you.
100 things you don't know about me...
1. i've always held the secret wish to be an artist but am not brilliant enough for inspiration.
2. I once owned a solid icy blue outfit. I called it icy blue.
3. I sleep talk
4. I'm afraid of thunder. not lightning.
5. I am somehow related to Amy Tan (although i've never met her and she's yet to know me.)
6. I'm a VERY bad dancer but i do it anyways.
7. I like chemistry.
8. I hate cats because my dad is allergic.
9. I don't like white sheets or white towels
10. I used to like Boyz-2-men
11. I could eat rice for days
12. i was vegetarian for 5 months
13. my longest running relationship with the opposite sex is 5 months
14. i hate feeling clausterphobic in a friendship
15. I learned love from a best friend in a totally platonic way
16. I wish we could have loved each other longer
17. I lost my first kiss at 15
18. I danced ballet for 7 + (i can't figure it out) years of my 17 year long life
19. I miss dancing but have lost technique, shape, and time
20. I've lost my technical and REAL virginty
21. I've had a party every birthday but 1.
22. I prefer the telephone over IM or Email
23. I'm relatively good at math
24. and english
25. But i suck at non-scholastic subjects
26. I hate puzzles, crosswordpuzzles, and bullshit of the such. i suck.
27. I love SCRABBLE!
28. I am not my brothers, or sister.
29. although i wouldn't mind being like my sister or mom.
30. They are my idols.
31. Even though she writes teeny-bop books i love Francesca Lia Block
32. Kissing is my passion.
33. I like the word DICK.
34. I don't like pussy, cunt, or vagina
35. I've never tasted the last 3.
36. I got an 1120 on my SATs
37. My middle name is Barabad. My mom's maiden name.
38. I suck at writing poems
38. I like ice cream
39. I consider myself tall
40. i like deep voices
41. Fish, bugs, reptiles, and BIRDS scare me
42. i've only filled 1 journal. I have a collection of half-filled ones.
43. i get rashes on my thighs when i run.
44. I love the sun and warmth and sunsets and rises
45. Bu tthe night enchants me
46. I want to die young
47. i'm usually quite passive
48. i like crayons
49. I have scars
50. I'm a very picky eater.
51. I collect bouncy balls
52. I think before i talk unless i'm saying somethign offensive.
53. I used to be obsessed with: sailor moon, pandas, winnie the pooh, and dark angel
54. My first crush was on a cartoon.
55. I 've had a couple other cartoon crushes
56. I'm vulgar
57. i'm shoe size 6
58. i've watched and read porn
59. i've never drinken beer.
60. i've never taken any drug
61. i've smoked a cigarette.
62. I like the Justice leauge
63. I can lick my own nipple
64. I have a green birthmark on my butt
65. and a bruise (this year) named bernard in the shape of a baby bird
66. I've never stayed awake a FULL 24 hours
67. i'm chronically late/tardy/lagging
68. I hide prom pictures in my desk
69. In middle school i used to wish that i would be valedvictorian in highschool (hah. RIGHT)
70. I once believed, quite strongly, in no sex before marriage.
71. biology interests me greatly
72. I'm a raging hornball
73. I masterbate
74. I do even though i have a boyfriend
75. I drive a Jetta wagon
76. I like techno
77. I've made out *to* techno music *in* my jetta wagon
78. i'm catholic.
79. when i *do* go to church my parents make me bring up the offerings
80. i have no door
81. My favorite tree is a madrone
82. My sister lives in Hawaii
83. I don't know how to cool
84. I usually eat things i REALLY don't like
85. I like britney. yes, we're on a first name basis.
86. I have a lip obsession...
87. And necks...
88. I read a lot of online journals and stuff...
89. i remember learning how to tie my shoes
90. i like to call myself fat
91. I like ribbons
92. I began to crack my knuckles cause my brother did and i thought he was cool.
93. My boyfriend loves me
94. And i him...
95. As of late, i've begun to like the color red.
96. My walls are white and i wish they weren't.
97. my cieling isn't flat
98. I know a million Tv show/cartoon theme songs
99. I really like cheese.
100. I'm cooler than you.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
ahh. first poem for creative writing class written.
Sister lonely in HI. can't wait till feb.
lysa and tiffany's bday soon. what to get?
cards to make, cakes to bake, flowers to be bought and gifts sought? (HAH! I RHYMED!)
room to clean, poop to pick up, and appointments to be made.
The wonders of current events?
Sister lonely in HI. can't wait till feb.
lysa and tiffany's bday soon. what to get?
cards to make, cakes to bake, flowers to be bought and gifts sought? (HAH! I RHYMED!)
room to clean, poop to pick up, and appointments to be made.
The wonders of current events?
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Today i saw a broken heart in the clouds and cried from a lack of anything better to do. Just then, for a moment, i saw lush red lines of pain in the sky. THe kind that blood drips down and you keep secret with pants or sleeves or making sure his hand never brushes your legs like you know he wants to. But then i realized they're only silly thoughts that i should have abandoned long ago. Sometimes emotion fades and you're left with nothing. A big, blank nothing. The kind of hollowness that echoes and makes you want to cry.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
"It's like a heart stutter and a breath skipped and time moving too fast to catch up and the only thing that stands out is his face, his smile, his hands, the moments spent together under streetlit skies and eyes closed and gentleness and tenderness and so much there the words to describe are ungraspable. It's like the world falls apart as he falls into place. And then, everything seems worth it." (1/14/04)
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Family party at mine tonight.
anyone up for some Lichon?
what's that you ask? well.. it's a pig. a huge, grown, but dead and cooked pig. It's all laid out in all it's roasted glory. The snout is there, all four legs, the little crispy tail. It's eyes, it's ears, the whole Shabang. Honestly, it grosses me out a bit but i guess i shouldn't say that since it IS traditional blah blah blah.
People are just now starting to get here and i'm torn between the urges to pretend to be asleep and ignore ALL of them, or go upstairs and be bitter and mean all night.... Either way, i know i'll get shit for it later. I **would** try to be amiable and such but uhm... uhhh... NO.
WHY SHOULD I BE!?? it's not like any of THEM care or like me. See, in my family all the aunts and uncles took favorites, the nephews or neices they liked best. I was never one of them therefore i grew up bitter and hateful that no one liked me best. Do we all see how that has been carried on into my adolescence and become a major personal complex? well, i do. and it isn't that i blame them, i don't. I mean, it's their actions and merely my responces. I should try to keep them in check and what not. But idon't. So, either way i don't like much about my family.
I guess i'll stop being mean and pretend to be happy upstairs fo r amoment or two. Cuase, that's what i do. I'm incredibly cheery and sociable for about an hour and then it begins to get to me and i start to tweak out so i seclude myself and mope.
Typical, isn't it?
anyone up for some Lichon?
what's that you ask? well.. it's a pig. a huge, grown, but dead and cooked pig. It's all laid out in all it's roasted glory. The snout is there, all four legs, the little crispy tail. It's eyes, it's ears, the whole Shabang. Honestly, it grosses me out a bit but i guess i shouldn't say that since it IS traditional blah blah blah.
People are just now starting to get here and i'm torn between the urges to pretend to be asleep and ignore ALL of them, or go upstairs and be bitter and mean all night.... Either way, i know i'll get shit for it later. I **would** try to be amiable and such but uhm... uhhh... NO.
WHY SHOULD I BE!?? it's not like any of THEM care or like me. See, in my family all the aunts and uncles took favorites, the nephews or neices they liked best. I was never one of them therefore i grew up bitter and hateful that no one liked me best. Do we all see how that has been carried on into my adolescence and become a major personal complex? well, i do. and it isn't that i blame them, i don't. I mean, it's their actions and merely my responces. I should try to keep them in check and what not. But idon't. So, either way i don't like much about my family.
I guess i'll stop being mean and pretend to be happy upstairs fo r amoment or two. Cuase, that's what i do. I'm incredibly cheery and sociable for about an hour and then it begins to get to me and i start to tweak out so i seclude myself and mope.
Typical, isn't it?
Saturday, January 03, 2004
It's late now and after tonight i'm rather tired. I haven't been sleeping well, haven't been doing anything well. And i'm tired. so tired. But it's a nice feeling... So cold and so tired i can't feel all of this inside me. Blocks it out, makes it managable, makes it bearable until the morning when my heart breaks the news to my brain and i shut myself down.
It's like the clock is ticking down and the fight keeps raging. I'm losing. I'm losing.
I'm losing it all and it's time for breakdown. meltdown. Time for corners and tears and blood and all those razors you put away so long ago. Time for resolutions, for midnight calls, for drives to destinations unknown.
I've had enough of your promises, i don't care if they're sincere. Shut your eyes and don't whisper one more word.
I'm losing it all and it's time for breakdown. meltdown. Time for corners and tears and blood and all those razors you put away so long ago. Time for resolutions, for midnight calls, for drives to destinations unknown.
I've had enough of your promises, i don't care if they're sincere. Shut your eyes and don't whisper one more word.
