Illness

And because i have to put thisinto words before i simply explode........

I'm so sick of waiting. i'm sick of being tired. and i'm sick of being hurt. I'm sick of being brushed away.

I'm sick of worrying. I'm sick of crying. I'm sickof sleeping and i'm sick of you.

I'm sick of knowing your passwords and i'm sick of not being able to turn away. I'm sick of losing hope. i'm sick of feeling guilty for being so goddamned sick. I'm sick of going through day by motherfucking day just waiting and waiting and waiting.

I'm sick of dreading. I'm sick oh hiding. I'm sick of beating around the bush and being afraid.

I'm sick of hoping. I'm sick of Hurting.


I'm sick of being without you.

Not To Hear it Back

And with wet between her legs
and an ache inside

something deeper deeper
something further in, further in.

She waited all day.
all night.
and the next day,
the next day.

Just for the sound of your voice.

Just to say that she loved you,
not to hear it back.

We replaced all that sad
with hope.

and then you walked away.

She's waiting on you.

After weeks of nightmares
after weeks with your jewels around her neck

like weights. like promises.
Like guilt she wore it,
everyday
begging sorry.

and she holds no resentment.
just a "please."

She doesn't sleep nights
for checking blue lights and dreaming hands.

She doesn't stay in bed mornings
for clicking keyboards and empty inboxes.

The distance doesn't hurt.
She doesn't hurt.

She learned from secret lovers
how to never let the dissapoint
sink.

Let's make more lists
let's make more lists.

that way,

we'll never forget.