Bad Dog

who has a tattoo? I do.

Who bought killer sexy cute shoes? I did.

Whose dog crapped out the biggest turd that had to be picked up by hand today? I do.

It's Too Late for "Better"

You watch me lay here, the tears gathering behind my eyes, inside each feature. You see the lips that are supposed to be a graceful smile. You see my eyes, once shimmering, once loving, shut tight -- too afraid to see what's going on. You see my face that you once called beautiful contorted holding back sobs you know you'll never hear. You wonder what i'm thinking, if it's hate or love i'm seeing. You caress me, hoping for a responce but there's only silence. Only each shaking sigh that holds too many unsaid meanings. You wait for something, anything to fill the worry that's clouding your head, the fear that's growing in your heart. You wait for something, you don't know what, that tells you to leave, tells you to go, tell you that it's too late.

You Never Knew Me Then

And you'll never know me now.

Birthday count down: 1 day

Have you ever got so confused and lost in something that all you wanted was to get out? Even though you knew the tangle was al worth it?

Sometimes I miss things i really shouldn't miss and I hate the things I know that I love.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just let myself be happy?

:sigh:

Once again my birthday has rolled around. don't these things ever stop?

either way, eighteen in a coupla days, no big plans or anythin'. Just hoping to have a little bit of fun. but it's alright if i don't. wouldn't surprise me.

may or may not get a tattoo... leaning towards may but i dunno...

My happy flower (the one i bought at the flower shop for myself) is still alive. it surprises me.

and btw, i have the cutest greatest stupid-funniest dog EVER.

Searching for Beauty

So, while i've been questioning what i should do with my life, where i should go, and more short term, what my major would be. I thought of it and i really enjoyed all sciences, i mean, i wasn't goo at any of them but once i got it i had it and it was fun, somethign i could see being interested in the rest of my life. So I considered my already decided path of being an English something-something.

But, while reading poetry at midnight of the Quotidient kind my mind spun into what i really wanted from my life.

I realized that all i can ever remember searching for in the people i met, the things i did, the world around me was beauty, it was magic, it was the sort of breathtaking essence of each day.

I also realized i could never find that for myself in biology, in the set facts of how the world was supposed to work. How could i see Magic in concrete rules?

So, i decided i should stick with my originial choice of english because in reading and in writing and in the art i find in it i see beauty and i see soul and most of all i see what i've been looking for my entire life.

Not to say that i've decided what i want to do for the rest of my life but now i think i know where it lays. I have so many ideas, choices...

I could be a teacher and see that innocent truth in kids' eyes and become a teacher. Teach them the beauty that i see in things.

Or i could try and become a poet, it'd be my optimal job but i know it's close to impossible to be successful as one. But i could write and weave my own dreams, the love i feel in everythign. I'd write the beautfiul kind of poetry about lvoe and sweetness and tenderness. I wouldn't write the poems that were so full of pain it's impossible to read through. Not the poems that face truth and misery so directly it makes you feel naseous. No, I'd write poems to take your breath away and feel whimsical and to make you hope, to wish, to try your hardest to make my fantasy into your reality. I would take you away on magic dream rides into the heart of myself where things are only made of shine and glittermagic touches. That's the writer i'd be.

And then there's all the things that i could really make a career out of, journalism, advetising, things of the such...

but i think i've made it obvious what *my* dream job is. but, that's just a silly dream.

I'm Not Supposed to Doubt Us.

Do you ever wonder if we're truly in love with each other or if we simply love each other out of mutual need?

Bored!

http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=10330535

So Good You Could Go Nuts

And there she lay, dead to the world. Soaking in self pity and an unhappiness thick enough to stop her breath. She knew the day would come and she welcomed it with fear. Do you remember the day when the black life sunk into you gut, settled there with bitterness? Do you know about the delirium of having your insides torn out and thrown into such unforgiving cold?

I do...

Goodbye Bitter World

I've decided, the world is coming to an end.

Apocalypse is emminent!

look at the signs: first there's been horrible hurricane, second was the really big earthquake, and now a volcanoe is going to erupt?! Next there'll be a swarm of locusts or frogs or the sky will rain fire!!!

Well, it's been a good life (sorta) and i'll miss you all... or none of you at all. :-D